Riri

Humans are stupid, to say the least. Not only do they think that they're the boss of themselves, but also they think they're the most intelligent creatures on earth. Well, it's quite the opposite really.

The people in my house, yes my house, tend to think that I don't understand a word they say to me. Or to each other or themselves. But honestly and unfortunately, their 24/7 bickering is very much understandable by me. From the thoughts they say to themselves in my presence to the cringy shit things they say to their so-called lovers.

And mostly I don't mind, because well, it's gossip. And one thing Riri enjoys more than cat gossip is dumb stupid downright hilarious human gossip.

For instance, just the other day, I happened to pass my mum's brother, Kanishk, and his business partner, Shiv. And guess whose name reached my sensitive little ears.

Mariam auntie.

Now, out of all my diverse uncles and aunts, Mariam is my favourite. She's like my mom's twin, only that Mariam's auntie is a hottie businesswoman, and my mum is more on her soft-core side.

If anyone were to meet the two of them without knowing their families, they'd be fooled and think the two are sisters since birth.

And besides, It's Mariam who brings me all the treats Kyra's mum doesn't. She's my second mum. Now imagine my surprise when I hear her name slip from my uncle's lips.

A dumb cat would obviously make a scene out of the situation and think that Kanishk likes Mariam despite having a wife. But Riri is anything but a dumb cat, and if there's anything Uncle Dearest likes, it's his wife - considering by the way his eyes always linger on her.

So, in conclusion, it's clearly Shiv's uncle who is crushing on Mariam. And to most people that doesn't sound like a huge problem, right?

Unless they've seen that small gun he keeps with himself at all times in that secret pocket of his oh-so-professional-looking coat.

Biggest problem now, isn't it?

Well, my meow meow certainly cannot save my auntie, so we're just going to have to wait this out.. and hope that second uncle dearest doesn't blow off her beautiful head.

Talking about my uncles, I forgot my most favourite one. Aayan Khan.

As much as Kaynaaz might loath him, the eldest Khan is certainly my favourite after his cousin. Oh, the massages he gives. And those veiny hands, and his perfectly messy hair which he lets me play with.

If it isn't obvious enough, I have a crush on him.

I know I know. I can hear people gasping "A cat and a human??"

No idiots, I'm not dumb. Plus, there's no way I want Kaynaaz to rip off my fur for trying to get with her handsome dude.

As much as she stands in front of the mirror and tells herself that she doesn't like him, the silent sounds, ones that sound like moans might I add, in her bedroom at night suggest very differently.

Now I'd be one to understand it was uncle himself making her, umm.. make those sounds, but imagine my surprise when I found out it was Aunty dearest herself, surrendering her so-called hatred and screaming Aayan's name in the comfort of her sheets.

Interesting, is it not?

As much as I love talking about my mother's sibling's love, and or sex lives. Mum isn't one to be very entertained. Considering the way she threw up in her bathroom soon after seeing her brother and his wife "cuddling" on the kitchen counter.

Yeah, I know, gross when you think of it like that.

Poor mama. No one really leaves are not traumatised. Especially her old man. God I hate him. I mean, how can such a devil give birth to an angel like Kyra's mum? And how dare he hit her?

He's fortunate I only peed on his toothbrush for revenge, otherwise, If I had them big guns I would've given him a taste of his own bloody medicine.

He's also fortunate that my papa doesn't know about any of this, or he would've come here himself and behead his future father-in-law.

Oh! My papa!

Oh yes yes. I might have made a mistake in judging his character at first really, might have accidentally called him an idiot, but he is the coolest.

Ansh Sharma. The coolest man alive.

I mean, have you seen his dedication towards my mum? No one could ever give her as much as he does.

The first time I saw him, I thought he was a thief. And well maybe he is because he's always stealing Mum's attention with his 24/7 ding-dong text messages.

But I'll give him that only because he makes her smile. Mama might yap all the time about how annoying he is, or how he's always trailing her. But nothing can hide that gorgeous smile that appears on her face whenever he texts her.

Only if I could have a man as cool as my papa, or my uncles who I don't actually hate.

Oh well, Riri doesn't need a man.

Signing off,

Yours truly.