Kyra

Few days ago

When the heart feels heavy, it resorts to escape from the heaviness in methods that are different for all. Some paint, some sing, and some get themselves busy with work. When my heart gets heavy, I write, I write my heart out, it's like spilling blood in the form of words. Because if my hand doesn't have a pen in hold when the itch starts, my mind thinks to resort to brutal methods. Methods that cross the mind when you only when you've lost your mind.

My eyes follow the words I had written in my diary a few months back, the ink distorted here and there due to the dried-up tear marks. Some people call you foolish for crying over a person who hurt you. Well who am I kidding, most people do that, they don't try to understand the pain a soul suffers when it feels the loss of a body from their surroundings. it's foolish not to mourn the loss of love, but it's ridiculous to let it get to you and ruin your peace.

I might have been foolish in that way.

I might have let it ruin my peace for a while. I wrote poems about a love that was broken, and that isn't something I do even if I'm going absolutely insane. but that isn't something that'll go on anymore. Because if it's anyone's loss, it's his. The one who'll mourn his foolishness longer than I ever have.

I slam shut the notebook in my hand before chucking it aside. My ears pick up at the soft meowing near my door before it creaks open to reveal its source. Riri strides in with all her glory, her small but growing paw padding on the white tiles as she makes her way to me.

The sway of her tail makes me chuckle and I get on my knees before picking her up and placing her in my lap. I make a lot of dumb mistakes in my life and very few good choices. And I can say with at most confidence that Riri was the best choice ever.

Whereas the worst one was probably engaging with mystery man. I'm still getting used to calling him by his actual name.

Ansh Sharma.

He's always there to nag or distract, even if it's just by text. And the worst part, I easily get distracted. His words have a way of their own, and this exact reason makes me wonder how many girls he has pulled using the same tactics.

Not that I care. Ansh is the biggest jerk I've encountered in life, he's too full of himself and being his girl, as he claims in his texts, won't be happening even if he was the last man on earth. I'd rather marry a woman than stand his self-proclaimed dominant attitude.

I've considered blocking him now and then when he texts something gaudy, like 'It seems like you love running considering the fact you ran away from our date. Just so you know I love chasing after things I want, and you know I want nothing more than to worship your pussy.'

Like, how do you text something so casually without getting hot and bothered by it?

Not that I got hot and bothered by it. I'd still marry a woman.

Liar.

I roll my eyes at the afterthought before leaning against the side of my bed as Riri continues to play with one of the bows in my shirt. As much as I hate to admit it, Ansh's company hasn't been so bad. Sometimes the itch starts out of nowhere where and that is exactly when he texts, making the itch disappear just like that.

"Kyra," my head whips over my shoulder as I look at the person standing by my room door. "You wanted to talk, let's talk," Dad says before turning around, his footsteps disappearing downstairs.

He never comes inside my room. Ever.

Not even when I'm sick or hurt. Not when I'm crying, and even if I was laying in a pool of blood here, he wouldn't step in to save me. Not that he'd save me at all.

I heave a sigh and place Riri on the floor before standing up to retrieve my phone and planner. About time I take control of my future.

Every step down the stairs is a heavy one. My blood buzzes with nervousness and I tightly hold the metal rail so my feet don't go crashing down because of how light-headed I feel. The lights around the room blur for s second before going back to normal, and the quietness of the house isn't helping anything.

My father is a scary person, to say the least. He doesn't just forgive and forget, he forgives and makes you suffer for your mistakes. And that isn't forgotten even if it's his own blood. I've suffered from his quiet wrath for the past eighteen years, only getting punished for a mistake that I didn't make. I've been neglected by the love he gives my siblings, and it stings more than anything. Even if I know Kanishk and Kaynaaz have tried everything to make our father include me in what they did together, I can't help but feel envious of my own brother and sister.

But then again, they've always been the perfect children. The Rajvanshi family only has one outcast, and that forever will be Kyra Rajvanshi.

Fear grips me by the throat as I step down the last stair. my eyes linger around to find any soul to defend me, but the house is empty. It's just me and dad.

He sits on the sofa in the middle of the huge living area, his back to me. But the tense posture of his body reveals that he's trying to control any remarks he has in his head.

"Come sit here," he says, his low tone making a shiver roll down my spine.

I step behind the sofa parallel to him before whispering softly. "I'm fine standing"

He gives me a curt nod, "As you wish, kya bata karni hai Kyra?"

(as you wish, what do you want to talk about?)

I suck in a breath before spilling whatever has been on my mind for the past week, "I want to publish a novel after graduation, I have the first draft with me and I need some money for the publishing. I know that I'm no one to ask you for money, but for once be like an actual dad and help me out. Take whatever you want in return,"

My heart rumbles a little as soon as the long speech leaves my lips. Everything feels a bit lighter and the thing that has been bothering me for the longest time is now off my shoulders.

I look up slowly and wince at the twisted expression on Dad's face. I know 'whatever' leaves a lot in question, and he'll benefit from this deal more than I will, but once this book is out, I'll be out of his hair, and I won't have to beg him for any mercy on me.

My eyebrows perk up at the slight nod of his head before he speaks again. "Alright then, if that is what you finish, but you'll do as I ask Kyra"

I wiggle slightly before a long smile spreads on my lips for the first time in Dad's presence. A hint of what seems likehappiness passes through his eyes for a mere second, before he stands up from his place, ready to escape any more unwanted conversation.

I manage to drop my things on the sofa before halting right in front of him and catching him in a big bear hug causing him to freeze in place. My head rubs against his chest and look up at him with a smile that he doesn't seem to replicate.

"Thanks, papa," I giggle softly. "I promise I'll make you proud, I'll make you happy,"

We stay like this for a minute, his hands still glued to his side as if he'll burn if he touches me.

"You shouldn't thank people without knowing their intentions, Kyra." He tsks before pushing me away from him.

My eyebrows pull together as I stare up at him in confusion. His expression which was previously blank morphs into a smiling one. But the happiness doesn't reach his eyes, and he looks almost sinister.

I ignore the chills riding up my back as I question him, "I don't understand,"

"That's the thing, Kyra," he removes my hands from his body before distancing himself. "You never do understand. Are you willing to do as I ask to earn your freedom?"

They say a deal with the devil comes with a price, and the biggest devil of my life stands upon me at this very moment. I pause every thought passing through my mind as I carefully sort out my choices.

I don't have any. My devil is my only chance and I have to pay his price.

"What do you want in return, Dad?" I whisper, lowering my gaze to the ground.

I can almost feel him grow a thousand times in triumph before he speaks, "I want you to marry"

My eyes snap back to my father's, ones that hold no care or concern for me, as I try to make sure what he said is true.

"You want me to what?"

"Marry Kyra, I want you to marry the person I choose for you, and I'll give you exactly what you please to have. It's that simple," the cool tone of his words makes a sudden volcano erupt in me and I blast.

"Dad, do you think I'm some kind of a toy that you can play with when it's good for one of your business deals? Is that all your children are for you? Pawns in your game of chess?" My angry voice doesn't seem to phase him as he chuckles darkly before shaking his head.

I go on before he can say anything to me, "This isn't a joke dad, you got Kanishk married as he was a statue for sale just so you can favour from an alliance, and now you're doing the say for me?"

His eyes darken before he steps closer, his hands still by his side, "you know very well that Kanishk had a choice, and he agreed like the good son he is,"

"Oh okay, really?" I scoff softly before continuing, "Then what about Kaynaaz? Are you going to get her married too when she asks for something from you?"

"Kaynaaz already deserves everything she asks for, your sister is too young to get married, and has a career she can use to support herself."

I look down from his haunting gaze as I feel my eyes burn with unshed tears. The itch starts again, making my skin burn as it spreads through my body. Shaking my head, I swallow the tears, causing my heart to burn from the way they sting. My chest becomes heavier as I try to take in a long breath.

I won't cry, I can't give him that.

"And what have I done to not deserve anything from you Dad?" I sniff softly before I look back up at him, trying to find any sigh of softness in his gaze. It remains the same, cold, dark, disappointed.

"I think you already know what you did Kyra." he turns to leave but I step in front of him again, blocking his way.

"Tell me. Was it my decision to study literature? Was it Dad? My decision to follow my dream and be something I actually want to be instead of following your advice like your other two children? Or was it because I dated someone who wasn't the son of your business partner and did not bring you any profit? why weren't you trying to say ' I told you so' when he dumped me in the rain like I'm a piece of trash burdening everyone? Couldn't face your daughter's tears?" my body shakes in anger, disgust and sadness combined as control the pressure building behind my eyes.

"Say something!" I shout in pain, as a single tear falls from my brown eyes. "What was it, dad? If not all those reasons, was it because I killed your father? Is that it? Because I insisted to stop you before you left without a word knowing that I needed you? IS THAT IT DAD?" my eyes scream in pain as they flood with more tears, wetting my heated cheeks as I stare at my father. His expression shifts to an unreadable one and he seems to be speechless.

He takes a step around me, ready to escape my questioning but I stand my ground in front of him.

"Answer me Da-" my words get cut off and a shout echos off the walls of my house, "Yes Kyra! Yes, that is the reason,"

I don't understand what takes over me as I push my father away and scream, "Then maybe I should've died with Dadu, at least I wouldn't suffer from your unreasonable tortures!"

Another sound echoes throughout the empty house as I feel a hot sting on my cheek, making the itch inside me grow worse. I hold my cheek in pain, my gaze falling to the ground as tears spill faster than blood flowing from my heart. My chest squeezes in as I hold in a sob of pain as his voice booms in my ears.

"You're a disgrace to this family Kyra!"

I fall to my knees as he whips around without another word, running away from his doing.

I guess grudges are more important than blood sometimes.

Present

"It wasn't your fault kitty" Shiv's words pull a sigh out my lips as I finish telling him the whole story. It took me everything not to cry my eyes out as I tried to explain to him whatever happened two days ago.

Yesterday Kaynaaz and Kanishk had tried to do something and help me feel better, and I did, at least better than the state Rooh and Kay found me in that evening. And guessing from the shouts that were echoing from Kanishk's office yesterday, he and Dad had a fight.

Shiv pokes my side softly causing me to jump and glare in his direction. He passes me an innocent smile before pulling out a packet of Oreos from his coat.

"Do you have a stash of these at home? Maybe I should raid your house, I'm sure Uncle won't mind," I giggle softly and take the packet from home as I rip it open.

This was probably the most genuine laugh I have let out since that day.

That's the thing about Shiv's presence. It's light and soft, as if he isn't even there, like you're talking to a wall and he's just listening and figuring what to say to comfort the person who sits with him. He's a good listener, the people who are hard to find these days. It didn't take long for me to spill everything to him as soon as he hugged my head. It flowed out on its own like a magic river, and now my heart feels a thousand times less heavy.

Who would've thought Mr Shivyansh Khurana would go from calling me sensitive to carrying Oreos in his blazer every time he visits?

"Oh by the way," I look at him as I speak with my mouth full of Oreos, "you didn't tell me that day,"

He raises his eyebrow in question, "Tell you what?"

"Woh hi, Mariam ke baare me,"

(that only, the thing about Mariam)

I hold in a snicker as his expression changes from a relaxed one to something between 'Oh no she caught me' and 'I'm going to kill you'

"I don't know what you're talking about," he says before throwing a hand at me dismissively.

"rehene de bhai tu, you melt at her sight, aesa lagta hai ki fridge me rakhna padega,"

(okay bro sure, you melt at her sight, I feel like you've to keep it in a fridge)

He rolls his eyes before smacking the back of my head with his heavy hand. I snort out a laugh at his reaction before placing another Oreo in my mouth. It's fun to see him hot and bothered whenever Mari's name pops up.

"I have to go," Shiv stands up from the bed before facing me, "you gonna be okay?"

I nod my head before speaking up in question, "kidhar jana hai?"

"Work,"

"Work with Mari?" I tease him, wiggling my eyebrows.

He scoffs in annoyance before pushing me back by my forehead, "None of your business chudail,"

"So long sucker," I fall back on my bed with a giggle and give him a peace sign as he exits my room with a laugh.

I close my eyes for a moment, trying to rest them after the all-nighter I pulled because of my nightmares. The itches that evening were bad, if it weren't for Kaynaaz forting in my bedroom despite my protest I would've acted on those itches.

I take a deep breath inhaling the calm air and scent of vanilla in the room.

huh? Vanilla?

My nose twitches again as I smell the creamy notes of vanilla floating in the room, with sandalwood undertones. No one is home so that's definitely not cake, and shiv doesn't wear this scent on himself.

My eyes open with intentions to find the source of this delicious scent, but they turn wide as soon find myself staring back at dark brown. They're deep like pools of molasses, warm and inviting, yet with a glint that hinted at the hidden mischief. I pull out of my trance as I recognise the flicker of darkness passing through them.

"Hello señorita," Ansh whispers softly before placing a soft peck on top of my forehead.

I jerk up as soon as his lips touch my heated skin, knocking him straight in the face. He lets out a soft wince as he clenches his nose between his hands.

"Shit baby what the hell," he complains, throwing me a hurt glance

"What the hell? Seriously? What are you doing here asshole?" I whisper yell at him, glancing at my unlocked door making sure no one comes in.

"I was watching you,"

"Watching me?? What the fuck dude?" I shrike, throwing a pillow in his direction.

"yea, I was watching you talk to another man through your window." He scoffs softly as he catches the pillow and throws it sideways, "Are you cheating on me?"

I stop looking at my door and avert my gaze to him in disbelief. What is wrong with this man?

"What the fuck do you mean by that?"

He tilts his head to the side before slowly striding in my direction. His expression turns gloomy, causing a chill to run down my spine.

"You heard me Kyra, who was that man, and why was he in your room," his voice deepens a notch as he continues to approach me, causing me to step back.

"He's my friend, we were just talking. I'm not cheating on you," I sigh softly before holding my stance, "we aren't even dating,"

A dark chuckle escapes him as he pins me against the wall, my back hitting hard against the surface. His chest meets mine with a jolt, and I struggle to control the shiver that runs through me as our bodies collide. A surge of heat rushes through me as my nipples graze against his warm skin through our clothing.

"Exactly, we are married, Mrs Sharma, so act like it before I've to use other measures to make sure you do," his husky voice sends a thrill down my spine, his words layered with a double meaning that sets my stomach churning. The intensity in his tone ignites a fiery feeling in my belly, and I can't help but feel both fear and excitement at the thought of what those "other measures" might entail.

I shake my head and push against his chest with all my force, trying to break away from his grasp but he holds on tightly. My protests die on my lips as a loud knock echoes through the room, causing us both to freeze.

The door swings open and my heart races as I prepare to forcibly remove Ansh from my space. But to my surprise, he's nowhere to be found as the intruder walks in. The scent of fresh rain lingers in the air, mixing with Ansh's musky cologne. I quickly straighten myself, trying to hide any evidence of our intimate moment. My eyes dart around the room, searching for any sign of him, but he seems to have vanished into thin air.

"Kyra?" I glance up to see Ipshita Bhabhi looking at me with a tight smile. I force one in return, trying to mask the turmoil inside.

"Yes, bhabhi?"

"Do you want something to eat?" She asks in concern.

"Nope I'm good," I assure her with a small shake of my head

"Okay.." She trails off, clearly not convinced., "Are you okay for sure? Your face is flushed,"

I give her a stiff nod, eager for her to leave so I can be alone with my thoughts. Once she is gone, I close the door behind her and slump against it. My knees give out and I slowly slide down until I'm sitting on the floor. My heart racing and my mind consumed by thoughts of Ansh.

Damn you, Mr. Sharma.